84. This is what it feels like

I can't wait to listen to my latest slew of songs when on our trip to San Diego this weekend. Give me some fading light of day, rhythm of the ocean, company to make two love and music to make me happy.

The celebration of my significant other's 40th birthday is the special occasion so I have a couple of days left to set the rest of the plans to make it a worthy of such a number.

Details will not be spilled here. Sorry folks. Maybe after although my itch for writing is waning... severely.

We actually have done another trip since the last one I posted where we went to Los Angeles for a weekend. Sort of winged it and it was a relaxing yet fulfilling trip with rewards in sightseeing, bountiful cuisine hunts, sprinkled with some good loving.

Really wanted to see Michael Jackson's plot at Forest Lawn but they would not let us in when we buzzed the mausoleum. Certainly wasn't a lack of trying!

Some pics from the last trip:

The statue of me before I started shaving my head. Started shaving because women used to flock to the curls for a run of the fingers. You can only have so much of a good thing.

Forest Lawn Mausoleum in the distance. Michael is in there somewhere. Such a peaceful place amongst the bustle of Southern California.

Little known personal fact, a girl I had a crush on in high school was my introduction to this character therefor taking a liking. I don't own any "Kitty" gear and never will but I do find her to be cute. It's Grandma's fault for giving me those teddy bears as a kid...

From Griffiths Observatory, obligatory shot.

Now this next picture was from a canoe session on the Colorado River doing some exploration going upstream from Willow Beach. As the other half is of the gentlest in nature I was the engine paddling us upstream into a head wind for a few miles. The things we do :). Very cool scenery that I had been meaning to see for years but nobody ever seemed to find the time or gumption to pull it off. Chalk it up to my willing accomplice.

That location is just outside of Las Vegas a few miles down stream of the Hoover Dam.

So there you have a few pics of some things I have been up to.

My eldest brother has a new baby and she is very cute! Makes you want to have one yourself.

I changed my position at work and am having a difficult time with being in the epicenter of incompetence. As a get it done the first time and do it right and extremely well type of character I get to try and fix the problems I see coming in from all of the can't do or do it poorly types.

On other news, my motorcycle engine failure has been covered under warranty. I have been bike-less for over a month and not happy about it. The good part of it all is that I don't have to pay a dime for what was going to be a repair costing as much as another bike.

Keep coming up!

83. My current events

Let's start things off with an equation: (.5<3)+(.5<3)=

This was from the start of an excellent weekend starting with a hot air balloon ride. A couple of first timers above with an experienced pilot provided some peaceful views over the dirt bowl that is Las Vegas and an amazing take off and landing in the exact same location!

Finally, a peaceful exclusive love still containing excitement. Never knew such a thing existed chasing after the wicked, twisted and fallen. I will be keeping this one...

Let's change gears or vary the ratio a little bit with this little bit of fun...

Such an entertaining ride but as usual in life, or with any extension of your being, you just want more. As shortly after this there was an engine failure I think it is time to trade up to something a little faster but not much. Need to keep the speed demon in check ;).

Can't decide what to do with it as it is one of the coolest rides I have owned. Surely the shop will have it for a few days if not weeks.

To last weekend, let's fill in some of the details. It started with the balloon ride early in the morning and once completed we buckled in for some highway trolling on our way to Utah.

Original goal being Bryce Canyon for the weekend but we had time to burn before we could check into accommodations so what the heck, let's go to Zion on the way.

Unfortunately for your viewing pleasure the woman climbing the rock above took most of the pics and this is all I have of a crevice we passed through and the rest of Zion. No worries on my part as I have been there so many times now.

I have been finding a few good songs lately. Soon my new speed skates will be done so hopefully(fingers crossed and knocking some mahogany) they fit properly and I can begin training again. Most of the winter the bike was in hibernation and my body has taken the toll. The physical facility has dwindled a bit and any activity requiring the usage ATP is on the struggle.

My mentality has been a boon to the bounce back of physical prowess so my temporary laziness is about to be booted out of the house unlike a modern day child after school.

The new favorite song below.

Would trade it for nothing

The feelings for this girl are completely over the top. Finally someone to love who I feel can go toe to toe with my style. Someone I do not fear in matters of love which has been the trouble all along.

All of the events endured until this seem trivial  and worthwhile prior to this point. Nothing is better than feeling the magic when close or far.

I do get this feeling of not being able to do enough when it comes down to it. As if the feelings and emotion are wonderful but a higher level is still out there, or up there.

The whole scenario feels like being all ages of life wrapped into one. To exercise an overused word: amazing.

Haven't felt much of a need to write as my off hours are spent with her or writing her.

The true test of knowing it is a real love: she has been granted immunity in imperfection.

She has hit the love jackpot.

81. Update with the female situation...

Happy to report back that this woman who I have been seeing is pretty amazing. For keen eyes akin to the nose of a blood hound, there has not been a single sent of negativity to keep the speed of my multiplying feelings in check.

Also for the first time I see an open door. A glimpse into the future. Peacefulness. Bliss. Stability and reliability.

It scares the bejesus out of me. It came to a climax last night when it set in that there is nothing stopping this train and my commitment phobia reared it's ugly head. This little bastard needled my balloon and sent me on a feelings crash.

Screw me! You would figure I would be over this crap by now. Especially when finding someone who is similarly valued to myself. Someone who dodges my criticism arrows like the bending of wind while a target is never sighted.

It's not to shoot at someone or knock them down. It is also not done as an offensive maneuver, to keep one's eyes peeled. More to gauge how much of myself I am willing to give and in this instance it seems like it could be "all in".

Last night when the feelings were enough that sleep ceased and my stillness broke of it's chains, I had to go out for a ride. I put on my heavy jacket, put the music and helmet in and over my head, respectively, and went. For hours.

Reminded me of old times when thoughts were too heavy and the need to get away was satiated with miles in the saddle while listening to music. Last night was no different. I was out until 5am riding and arrived back cool to the core with thoughts minimized.

There is a tool I can use to beat this and it is time to re-enlist in the service. It was working so well last time until my premature confidence set me off before I completed my training.
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On another front, the family is trying to get my father back into the picture. The title of the last entry apparently isn't entirely true as my father is in the harbor of ill feelings and it flows not to the ocean of forgiveness.

Don't think I will attend while he is there.
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When I was younger my potency of emotion was highly entertaining. Now it is downright unwanted. Prior to getting involved in dating again it had subsided for years. You could not get much of a rise out of me.

Now I am motorcycling again, dating, and not exercising as much due to weather and what do you know... the beast is awakening. The darkness of the younger days is tossing and turning.

When in New York the monster was quelled to a noon time shadow.

Missing that feeling. The feeling of having a well of old emotion siphoned off.
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This may sound cheesy but I love this classic and it is fitting at the moment....

80. A heart of love can forgive the world

It wasn't supposed to happen. Certainly not this soon. One could say that I am smitten.

Three dates in and everything is a bit sweeter. Conversations dive deep. What is often the burdensome rehashing of the past is now light hearted toe to toe sparring as we pencil in each others background.

For Las Vegas to find someone who is consistent, reliable, not overly outgoing but well guarded is a breath of fresh air. My equal in that there is character without the sacrifice of quality which seems to be the elusive find.

Maybe I am jumping the gun in letting my excitement wander in excess however this would be the first time someone steps so well with who I am with my lofty standards.

79. Tin roof... rusted!

78. It isn't lost afterall

It was always reflexive or involuntary the way my cares for the less fortunate flowed with strength and yield to the cause of greater good. Always in favor of the under dog or the down and out. Then for a few years there was a phase of hardening to which a blind eye was turned, a nose lifted, and only the feelings of myself were taken into consideration.

This latter period is in recession it seems as I visit one of my coworkers who was in a car accident and is left to a physical therapy center where he hath not the capability to clean himself. Broken in body and spirit as his life was temporarily taken from him from some jackass kid out screwing around with a friend who was high as a kite when they decided to blast through a red light and plow into said coworker.

I feel for the guy. He is stuck in a situation where he does not know the outcome and has to, of all ungodly things, rely on someone to take care of him. Then the sitting in a confined environment with all of the other fractured bodies... enough to bring the mind very far from peace.

The chart topper would be the lack of family nearby to visit.

This is where I come in. Anyone in a similar situation would be welcome to any company so I use some of my time to pay frequent visits to keep his spirits up. On offer to get him anything he needs and he politely refuses so I am going to get the guy a book or two to read while he does time in the "prison".

He said he was not a reader but conditions can make reading a welcomed escape for the mind when the body cannot travel.

Compassion and sympathy have made a reappearance and the notion to give freely comes without resent.

Feels good to give back.